Friday, May 18, 2012

Don't Close Your Heart Just Yet.

Don't close your heart to matters that you never knew existed.

We are born different; all of us, and it's our nature to seek individuality.

To some people, individuality is in following the current; while to some, is in defying it.

It's our nature to avoid the difference that we see but we cannot understand. Sometimes we even try our best to eliminate it. But its just all the difference us.

It's easy to judge others difference until we have gone trough it ourselves.

Sometimes it breaks us to the point where all happiness that we ever knew are killed in vain.

Sometimes it breaks us so much to the point where we can't afford to bring our heart to the point before we were different, but can't afford to live being different either.

None of us wants to be isolated, yet all of us will give in our might to bold our differences.

In the end, what does it all bring to us but just anger and disapointment towards ourselves?

Don't we all yearn for acceptance?

Don't we all crave to be understood?

Don't we all wished that we aren't judged and pulled upon?

So please don't close your heart to feelings you never knew you could feel.

So please don't close your heart to people you never knew you would met.

So please don't close your mind to acknowledging things that you never knew that you could do.

 Because it all sums up to make what you are; the unique you.

If you know you are right, fight for yourself.

Fighting for yourself is not easy, but not harder than avoiding yourself.

So fight until you have to fight no longer.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

It's Wrong to Forgive the Essence of Evilness.

Abuse is not just physical, but can also be verbal or mental.

Physical abuse is when a person inflict a physical damage to another, who are often physically weaker.
Verbal or mental abuse damages in a different way. Basically, a mental abuser might end up creating his own murderer, because the damage is more on the victim's mind and soul, rather than the body.

I won't babble more to define what does it mean to be an abuser, because there are already tonnes of articles, and books and movies talk shows out there to explain this. 

Okay, I'll define it in my words anyway. Abusers are a bunch of losers who preys on people who seem inferior to them, to make them fell less like a loser.

I am being VERY gentle with my definitions.
I have not one bit of pity for abusers, because they make themselves into becoming what they are; sick and EVIL. 

Nobody in this world is born with an evil heart. People are made into it. They become evil for reasons that, often, they know is wrong, but refuse to admit it, and finds way to JUSTIFY it; which makes them SICK.

Seriously, what else can I call them else than evil and sick?! Isn't it sick to beat up a person and then give excuses to say justify that what you did was not wrong??

Here are some of the REASONS that they often use to justify abuse; be it physical or mental:

1. "You provoked me. You brought out the worst of me."

What are you?! A monkey?? Like, someone throws a stone at you and you get all freaked out and starts jumping around and make noises and attack the person?? Being a human being means to accept the responsibility of having intelligence. If you can't do this, then go live in a jungle.

2. Out of your own assumptions.

Wh.. Fuck you for thinking that you are Sherlock Holmes or something. This is just pure case of idiocy. Believe me, it does happen that some people are just sick enough to start imagining ideas about their victims, and then go out and beat them.

3. "This is what God wants!"

Well, you know what? I think God wants you to be burned again and again. How about I do that to you right now? What are you, being so broad and claiming that you know what God wants?!

I don't know, maybe I'm wretched; but in my opinion, for example, if a husband beats up his wife because she is cheating on her husband with the guy who lives in the next town, and the guy at her work at the same time, as wrong and as messed up that the bitch can be; that reason is STILL good enough to justify it; EVERRRRR!!!!!!!

There is not a single reason in this world that can be good enough for one human to cause physical pain to another human being out of ANGER.

I don't know how many people out there who are actually aware of the issue of honour killing. It's an issue of it's own broad perspective, but it is nonetheless, a form of abuse. The most typical example of honour killing is a daughter being killed by any of her family member (usually a male member) for any reasons (rejecting a marriage proposal, sex outside marriage, elope, divorce, refusal to wear veils, too "westernized", refusal to accept arrange marriage... this is a whole big topic, you've gotta do some reading to understand it better.)  that are, according to the family, have dishonoured them. these people believe that by killing their victims, they are restoring their lost honour. This world makes me sick sometimes...

How many times will us, the human species justify our sick thoughts and actions by saying that it's God's will? 
Damn me if you may, burn me if you may, just send me to hell if you may, but I simply cannot accept violence being straightened and bleached by exploiting God's name.

It's okay to forgive a person who have stupidly or unintentionally done something that could be terribly wrong, but it's definitely wrong to forgive the essence of evilness.

The saddest part of this whole mess is, it will not end.
We are who we are; the human species. 
We are always sick.

Some people may luckily get out of the world not ever having to face violence. Some people are not.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Lost Your Pen?

I clean my room once a week on my day-offs!

I now have a camera!

I'm obsessed with my camera, so I'm taking shots of random (most of the time, useless) objects because I'm a completely normal human being!

So while rearranging the stuffs in my wardrobe last Tuesday...

... I found this pink bag that has... 



...there's a bunch of black-ink pens...

...and blue-ink pens in it...

...and some of these highlighters are back from my first year in the uni.

I have lots of souvenir pen, but this is mah favourite! Sharina gave it to me, and it doubles as a bottle's opener.  I never use this baby. I just keep it for my eyes to see. :3

More souvenir pens. These are from Schlumberger/Geoservices. Their crews always get dropped into the hotel, and one time, one guy just opened his bag to take out his passport, and put all of these pen on the counter.
Well, makes a nice collection. :3

Successfully classed them into their own categories.
I have crayons, even.

So, anybody whose pen is missing??


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Your Desire to Survive Is What Saves You.

Pain may kill you in many ways.
It may slash your heart and let your sorrow and despair bleed and drains you to death.

Only your strong desire to survive is what saves you.

It's when you have the strong desire to survive, then you may forget the past; may you not forgive your past.

Your strong desire to survive is what makes you tougher than what you were.

It's your strong desire to survive is what teaches you to grow up and move on, for you have no interest in laying low and rot in despair.

Your strong desire to survive is your desire to live, and to savour each and every colour that the world has to offer you in your brief lifetime.

Your strong desire to survive is what heals you from the pain.

When you know how strong your desire to survive can be, only very little things in this world can make you cry.

"What was that about? What pain NOW? haven't you let it all go?"

"Yeah. but not the pain. Never the pain."

"Why, still?"

"Look. I can only tell you stories, and you can maybe understand what I said, but you can never feel what I felt."

"How can I ever feel what you felt? I know I cannot. But you don't have to feel the pain anymore. You've moved on."

"Until I can find an EXCUSE good enough to reason why the things that happened, happened; the pain will be there. I'm human. It's my nature to be curious. It's the level of curiosity is what determines the intensity of the pain. I'm not as curious as I was, but I still am; just not as eager to find out."

"Fuck you. Just shut up."

"Well, you asked. Just telling you what is going on in this crazy head of mine."

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Didn't I Tell You That I Bark?!

The fucking waitress at the restaurant really pissed me off the other day!! She made me RAGE in public; like what I did at the cinema!!

Ok, intro first. Cherating is a small town. No highway crosses it, only the old road that we used to take before we have the highway. Highways have R&R stops along them, right? 

Because buses from Kuala Terengganu still use these old roads, so there are plenty of restaurants that imitate the R&R stops along the old roads. The trend is all over the country, even. 

Most of them sell food that's only good for dogs, and charge like they're feeding us gold. If you have been to the bus stop point in Slim River, you know exactly what I mean. 

Anyway, back to my story about this restaurant I went to. It's one of the stops for buses, but the food there is still good. I'm their regular customer; regular enough that I get discounted price for whatever I order. I'm so regular there that we have the mutual understanding that if I get there during their busy time where there are like, six buses that stops there, the passengers are served first, then my table; even if I walk in first, because these people stops there only for a limited time.

Went there for dinner today. It was quite empty. I walked in, and the stupid waitress saw my friend and I walking in. She didn't budge from the cashier's counter to get our food orders after we picked our seats, as she was on the phone! Being a customer service person myself, I thought, "okay, if she prefers to be on the phone than to do her job, then maybe it's important. She'll get here. I'm nice, I have patience lalalalala"

I'm so angelic, right? So nice of me to tolerate and care. You'll never find such a good customer like me anywhere!!

The other waiter guy (who seemed retarded) was passionately watching the bloody football match on the tv, with his mouth wide open, and he didn't even see us. I didn't bother to waste my energy to call him, as I knew the bitch already saw us walking in.

While waiting for the bitch to get her skinny ass to my table, I went to the mart next door, and I told my friend what I wanted to eat, so that she won't have to come to my table twice to take the food order.
It was when I came back from the mart that I was starting to get irritated... 

C'mon, bitch! The place is empty! What can possibly be so important that is occupying you for so long, that you have to make your customer wait?! Plus, the retarded idiot who was then watching the tv, is now also hanging around the counter with the stupid waitress, and they were chit-chatting there about the moon and grasshoppers!

One of the workers there passed by my table asked if she have served us, and I said no. Surprised himself, he tried to call her TWICE and she couldn't hear him. 

Ahh... Now I know her fucking problem! She's fucking deaf, it seems! :D

So I did her (and myself) a favour by screaming from my table,



That was when everyone in the restaurant turn their heads to my table... :p

Fuck, yeah I was pissed off! I was mad hungry, and the bitch saw me walked in, but didn't care to some to my table! It wasn't even busy! 
There. Recap of the whole story in two sentences. :p

But I got the bitch's attention, at least. Of course I I didn't let her off, easy. 
First thing I did to her when she came to my table was to babble to her on how I have been waiting.

You deserved a piece of me, baby. It's all love. :3

But it didn't end there!
It seemed like bitch didn't get it it was her fault, and the other waiter guy was pissed off that I screamed at his sweetheart. The whole time I was eating there, he was staring and staring and staring at my face. So...



Oops, I did it again~

SERIOUSLY! When people do me wrong like this, it's not a word of sorry that I expect, just hope that they realize their mistake, and it doesn't happen the second time, that's all! 

These idiots have some serious attitude problems!

But the food was nice, and I got discounts anyway. plus, I got to scream at both of them, so I'm satisfied anyway. Wth.

Went there again today, but didn't see that bitch. :3

So... End of rant.
Here's a random camwhore pic of me for no apparent reason: 

 ...and enjoy this song if you have nothing to do right now.

Friday, May 4, 2012

How To NOT Be an Irritating Housemate.

I had a roommate, but she quit her job to work in her hometown, so now I'm staying alone in my room.

Throughout the higher learning years when I've been moving around places, I've switched rental houses many, many times.
I think many people have had these experience, aye?

Now, if you're a students who have to take a student loan to pay off your exam fees and feed yourself, you're basically POOR. You can't rent, or let a lone buy a whole house just for yourself. As for me, I didn't want to stay in the uni's hostel because they suck. Not saying that rental places are damn nice, but at least they suck less than a fucking dormitory. I was fucking 21! Who stays in a dorm at that age, goddamnit?!

I've exchanged houses, and exchanged housemates, and I have to say that I have came across TONNES of irritating behaviours!!

... Well, maybe I was an irritating housemate too, but hell if I know? I only know how to make comments on others! :p

So, here are things you can do to make other people's life more bearable while they have to live with you.

1. Take  turns to clean to goddamn bathroom.

I can't stand a bathroom with yellow floor and mouldy tiles! It's.. it's.. I don't know.
Well, let's look at it like this. A bathroom is a place where you go to wash yourself thoroughly, and to get yourself cleaned. If the bathroom looks like, I don't know, a glimpse of hell, maybe, then how the hell can you go in there to take a shower? You don't come out cleaner, but you come out with potentials to get diseases! How the hell can you even keep your toothbrush in that fucking bathroom? EWW!!

For example, say there are six of you morons sharing a house, and there's one bathroom, and one toilet. Now, each of you use both of these at least twice per day. You definitely cannot NOT clean it AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK! 

Residues of body wash, soap, shampoo, conditioner, hair wax and God knows what other slimy products that we use on ourselves don't just get drained down; especially conditioners. After a while, the residues build up on the floors' tiles and he floor gets slimy and grimy and mouldy, and you slip and fall and die! Well, you got the easy way out if you just fall and die, AT LEAST.

How can you sit on a toilet seat that is all yellow when it is supposed to be white?! You are not your friend's mother, so chances are, you don't know where have they gone, and what have they been doing; because you just simply don't care anyway! So, are you THAT interested to catch some weird rash on your ass?? For all you know, your housemate might be leaving traces of mercury on the seats... 

weird rash on the ass

SO BRUSH THE TOILET! No angel is going to come down from heaven to do it for you! You're a poor student, remember?! so you have no maid either! And your housemates are not your maids either!! So take turns to clean them! Don't be a princess, thinking that you can't clean the bathroom because you're too goddamn high to do it, because your shit is just as smelly!
The same principles apply for the floor in the bedroom and in the kitchen.

It's purely common sense to wash your dish, you ass.

2. Take out the trash, you moron....

I am going to be brutally honest on this. The worst I've came across was trash not taken out to the point where maggots were crawling out of the bags...

I shall say that I was equally guilty!

But no amount of classes, assignments, or exams can be an excuse for you guys to not throw out the trash, especially if there are food waste in there.

If you are juggling with all of the mentioned, and still have time to apply three different colours of eyeshadows before going out for classes, you DEFINITELY have time to take out the trash bags! Nuff said.

the strut and the poise and the fab make no point if you have maggots crawling out out of your trash back at home...

3. Nobody wants to listen to the stupid songs on YOUR fucking playlist!!

Now, here's another irritating habit that you might have committed. This did not just happen in the house, it could have happened while you were sitting in a train, even!

Seriously, if you like to listen to songs while doing just about everything, get a pair of goddamn earphones!! Don't leave the playlist running on the speakers of your laptops, or phones, or any other players that you have! It's irritating! Nobody wants to listen to you (possibly poor) choices of music! 

There were many times when I got SUPER irritated when a housemate who liked to play Akon's songs OUT LOUD from her laptop's speaker, and goddamnit, she didn't spot even after being TOLD to keep her music to herself!! YOU ASSHOLE!! I HATE YOUR STUPID SONGS!! You feel like listening to them out loud, then go find a cave and hide in there and play all you want! Don't make me throw stones at you!

I mean, one or two songs to be shared is nice, but bombarding the whole house for two hours straight with lousy songs, whereby the lyrics only screams about drinking and partying and having sex is just RETARDED!!

Speaking of noise, I'll tell you one annoying experience I had with one of my ex-roommate.

I have trouble falling asleep when I'm too tired, and when I finally do fall asleep, nothing irritates me more than being woken up by annoying sound. So, this ex-roommate of mine was a midnight owl. She used to just stay up late till the dawn breaks. I don't give a damn if any of my housemates prefers to stay up all night long or whatever, but what irritated me was that she never let me turn off the lights in the room because she was scared of the dark! Bitch, I need my sleep! I have to go to my class at eight in the morning tomorrow! I told her to to the living room if she want the lights on, and her answer was, "I'm scared of being in the living room all alone by myself." SERIOUSLY!! WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH?!
It's not my problem if you're scared of the dark!
What are you scared of??

But wait, I haven't come to the noise part yet!
After a few days, I got used to sleeping with the lights on. But it was like she couldn't see me sleeping peacefully or something, she started playing games on her laptops, with the sound turned on to the MAX and woke me up a few times...


4. Touch not what is not yours.

Now, this is the one issue I have no experience on. During the many times of exchanging housemates, I've never met one that likes to take or use others' stuffs without permission, but my friend have told me this story:
I'll call my friend Sue. Sue once had a room mate. The bitch just moved in for about two days then. She came back from work to find that bitch was sleeping with Sue's teddy bear in her arms. Well, doesn't sound that bad, right? But hey, two minutes later, Sue noticed that her comb and her body lotion was on the bitch's dressing table. Seriously, bitch! She just moved in, and she's already taking other's stuffs without permission? Obviously she has some issues with her manners...
It didn't just stop there. She started wearing Sue's clothes! I know that Sue should have just told her off, but she never did, because the bitch quit after about three weeks, taking Sue's hairdryer with her. :p

But really! It's like the rule of thumb that sticks in the back of our goddamn heads that when we are living in a rental house, the space is the only thing that we share without having to ask permission; besides the households that we mutually agreed to share; like a water boiler or the TV. If you ran out of toothpaste or shampoo or you are to borrow a hanger or a pad, YOU HAVE TO ASK THE OWNER'S PERMISSION because it's not your to be used as you please.

Your housemates and you didn't come out from the same mother! Remember that!

The previous roommate that I had before the last one; we came to the point where we just bought stuffs like detergent and toothpaste in big packs and then share and split the money, as there were just the two of us, and we really didn't mind. Good idea, eh?

5. Keep your weird friends who are not your housemates off the house!! ...unless you're having an open-house day.. or something...

Keep'em off!! Don't bring in strangers, especially weird-looking ones, to your place. Respect each others' preferences. If it's an all-girl house; bitch, please, go and fuck your boy in the motel or something. Not everyone in the house is okay with you bringing your boyfriend home.

If my memory is right, it was in mid 2008, that I was looking for a rental place because I moved out of the hostel. Already paid the deposit and the rent for the first month for this room near my uni. It was a flat unit with three rooms, two bathrooms, one living room, and one kitchen. Obviously it was on a sharing basis. I've never been to the house; just agreed to take the spot based on a friend's recommendation, who was already living there for a couple of months. Just a week before I moved in, my friend was like, "you know what... I think I'm moving out of the place, and I don't think you'd want to stay there. The girls are bringing their boyfriends for... sleepovers..."

Fuck you, bitches. Why don't you bring your boyfriends for sleepover at your mother's house, damnit?!

Anyway, I called it off, let whatever I paid for be burnt, and looked elsewhere.

I don't know if I have ever been annoying, because nobody said anything to me. I think the only annoying part about me is my loud mouth. I'm irritatingly blunt. I also like to throw my things here and there. I'll put my cap on the desk, keys on the tv, tumbler on the couch... I'm messy, but never dirty, tho!

Right now I have no roommate. I'm staying alone in my room, as my roommate just quit from the resort, like I said earlier. Staying alone is boring, to.. I have nobody to babble with when I come home from work. The TV is never on anymore, because I never watch TV, and my ex roomie watched the news daily.

So it's kinda quiet here right now. :(